So Grant. 

This boy. It’s been so good but also so bad. 
Grant is 16, blonde, blue eyes, tall, super attractive. 

He is also Mormon. 

I have nothing against mormons. I respect the religion and love th  people. But I am not Mormon and that’s the problem. 

So I moved to a new school and during band camp of 2016 I met him. He sort of caught my eyes because he was so cute. Weeks later he asked me out on a date. And I was like: wait what? Are you serious? 
I literally had the most stupidest face and I was so honored. I hadn’t been on a date before and here is this great looking guy asking me on one.  And it didn’t take long for us to go on another one. And another one and another one. We are going on our 6th date this Friday. It’s courtwarming. 
Sure it all seems good but it’s not. 

I had really liked this boy. So much.  More than anyone. I have never been in a real relationship and I want to be in one. I am mature and I want a good relationship. Not one based on sex or stuff like that. I just want to go on dates and hold hands. That’s all I want. 
So the past couple months we have gotten super close. We held hands a little and keep complimenting each other. And it made me happy. I was on top of the world. I felt good about myself- then-  and there is always something bad that happens when things are going well. 
His dad said, the strict Mormon dad said, he can not go on another date with me till he goes on one with someone else because he doesn’t want us getting close. 

LIKE COME ON. ITS NOT LIKE IM FUCKING YOUR SON WE ACTUALLY GO ON CLEAN GOOD DATES. AND IM RELGIOUS TOO IM NOT TRYING TO TEMPT HIM AWAY 

I’m sorry for my language. But seriously. His mom loves me and his siblings love me. They run up and hug me every time we meet. And I feel like I am being led on because Grant has told me that he can’t date me. Like steady date: boyfriend and girlfriend. 

But yet we go on dates- so like what’s the point. I’m waiting my time. If we can’t be together why keep being with me and making me happy. I’ve come this far because I want to date him and I wanted to be with him. Things are different now. I don’t know what to do with myself. 

And the girl he chose to go on a date with is so pretty. I am so ugly and fat. I weigh 208 and am 5’2. You can imagine. She is blonde, tall, skinny, everyone literally tells her she is gorgeous everyday. And I get compliments- never. Rarely. 

And this girl- Terah had the audacity to come up to me and ask me when me an Grant were going on a date. She knows how much I like him. She knows how I feel and yet she acts like I didn’t know they were going to go on a date? I respect Grant for telling me straight up. But that little butthead can inhale my Richard. 

I don’t know if they have gone on their date together or not. But it’s not fair. I feel like I’m being cheated on and there is nothing I can do about it. We aren’t actually together- I get that. But we are so close. And it hurts me so much. 
I know I need to move on. The pain isn’t worth it. And even if we were to date and get close. If we wanted to get married I would have to convert. And I don’t think I could do it. So it’s even more pointless. 
But it’s so hard to move on. And there is no one to move on too. 

It at least that’s what I thought. 
Then came Kyle. 
4:44pm 

Jan 2, 2017 
KayAnn