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imthatonedyingfriend

My tummy

Not a great start to the day. I woke up at 6:08am and felt super super cold. My mind decided it was best to a shower. So I got up and went to take one. I think I took the hottest shower in my life. I ended up sitting on the bathtub floor letting the water hit my back and rub down for 45 minutes. It was so hot my fingers couldn’t handle more than two seconds under. My back was fine though and it was realizing. Then I decided t was time to get it finally. 

And your mind and body know when your about to vomit. I quickly threw my hair into a towel and sure enough a few heives came out of me. Luckily no food and stuff. I wanna say stomach acid but I don’t know and I don’t care. I do feel a lot better though. Not as cold as my throat doesn’t hurt. Just a little cough and my nose is stuffy but I’ll manage. 
I didn’t sleep good at all except for one part. However the majority of the night was me tossing and turning because I didn’t want to breath through my mouth and my nostrils were filled. 
The one part I slept sounded is when I had a dream. And guess who was in the dream? Grant. 

Grant is a sharp young, blue eyed, blonde boy, I go to school with. We’ve been on several dates and have it off with each other. But no we are not dating. He is not my boyfriend and he will clearly tell anyone I am not is girlfriend. There is a reason for this and it will be revealed. 
But in the dream. It was very nice. It was a school event and we were on the bus together sitting together. And we ended up holding hands. In the dream we must of been dating. Because every time we were together in private we held hands. Nothing more. No kissing and no touching other than the hands. And I really liked it. That’s basically the whole dream. 

But I slept so soundly in that dream. Perfectly. 
Typing this all out those has made me feel better. I’m still tired but I don’t feel that sick. Although I will be condemned to home because my parents obviously heard me in the bathroom. But oh well. I don’t have school tomorrow so it works out 
7:10am 

Jan 2, 2017

KayAnn

Still tired

I had the weirdest dream last night. 
Me and this dude decided to date. Just out of the blue. Randomly. But just for the day. And through out the day we held hands and even kissed. We didn’t do much more than that. 

However in the back of my mind- my conscious mind awear this is a weird dream. 

Because I really like this boy named Grant. You will hear a lot about him I promise. 
But in the dream I’m sitting in the curb with one of my friends. She was talking to me about my new boyfriend. And I told her straight up: “You know how I like Grant. But with him I like how he will hold my hand and give me attention.” And I must have thought that Grant won’t give me any. I mean I don’t know if he would or will in real life. Things are so complicated. 
As the dream went on and the day ended the boy that I decided to randomly date decided to break ok with me. Which was in our best interest. 

Even after we broke up, I really missed someone holding my hand or just calling me little names. Cute names. But in the back of my mind Grant is there. I like Grant. More than I’ve like everyone. But there are things that keep us apart and make me really want to cry. And those will be shared in due time. 

I’m really tired this morning. My eyes feel heavy and I don’t know what to do with myself this New Year. 

But I’ll carry on. 

11:12AM

Jan 1st, 2017

KayAnn

It’s going to be a new year

So I’m just a normal weird teenage girl. Nothing special, I just need to write my feelings out.

2016 has been such a good up and down year. I moved in with my dad, started a new school, got a job. Its all crazy and its scary. I’ll probably have lots of grammar mistakes and stuff in my post and I apologize now. Ill probably just type as fast as I can and get this over with.

Ill probably write daily or at least a few times a week just to help with my stress.

This upcoming year I hope will get better as it goes and you all can get to know me. My life is crazy messed up and people around me dont understand.

Maybe you guys will and can help me through some of my problems and stress. and if not, I like hearing myself thing.

I’ll talk more later.

Have a nice night,

11:46pm

Dec, 31, 2016

-KayAnn

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